people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
