Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
