i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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