so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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