When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize