He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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