fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize