i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
