I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
