i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
