Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
