OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
