dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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