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I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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