puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
