the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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