I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
