that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
