I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
