Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
