That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
