I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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