her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your cock deserves a montage
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
