If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
