my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you never un-have a 4some
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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