it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
