can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize