Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
And then he peed in my hair
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