Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
