At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
