Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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