i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
