Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
