She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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