I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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