god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
