RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
