I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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