i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
