Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
