He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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