i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
