party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
