Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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