i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
