my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
