Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
