I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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