Ketchup is God's man juice
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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