my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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