I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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