Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
