I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This is my gift to your gina
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
