I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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