Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
