Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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