Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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