Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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