Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
