lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
