I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
