I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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