Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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