I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
