I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
