I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
