I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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