My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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