I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
