I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
