Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
